It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pooping to opera.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
