i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
