So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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