ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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