I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
