worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Randomize
