I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
