If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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