we have pet lesbian snakes
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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