you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
