I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
