My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
