you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
