dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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