i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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