grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
