It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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