You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
