im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
