this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's shark week go big or go home
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
