All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
