are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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