It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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