We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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