yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
