Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
