Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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