I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
