Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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