Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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