there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
