so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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