I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
