saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
