party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
