I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
