New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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