was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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