I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
