Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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