I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
