We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
