I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
