Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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