Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
