You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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