How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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