Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
