My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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