I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Be still, my beating vagina.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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