i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
