Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
