Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
