I can tuck mytits in my pants
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
