i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
