So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
