it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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