I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
