Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
