Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
