I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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