Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
barbara walters just said penis...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
