Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
