Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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