PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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