and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
