I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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