have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
