Welp...herpes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
