She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
